The writer's strike brings a vacuum, and vacuums seek things that suck. Seek no further, its a new episode of the Jersey Toddshow, guarunteed to suck.

1. Winzenried aka Hollywood Drunks
2. Joe Colledge
3. Ron Rutherford
4. Arlan Feiles
5. Two Loons for Tea

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Listen to the show here.

       Yesterday was election day – or as like we like to call it here inNew Jersey, "Opening Day of Kickback Season". It wasn't a very controversial election, unless you count my local election where a Democrat councilman sent a letter out to all of the constituentsendorsing the Republican candidates, in a move that had as much class as Fredo Corleone making a deal with Johnny Ola, but hey, here in Jersey politics is a contact sport.

     But this was not a very big election – no Senators, Governors, or Presidents allegedly on the ballot. But when its quiet like this – that's when they try to sneak stuff on the ballot and hope that nobody notices. The ballot resolutions. These things are like wish lists for special interest groups who somehow think that if they get 51% of the vote on a turnout of less than 20% of the voting public that they somehow have a mandate. Right, mission accomplished I know. I almost didn't see this when I was placing my vote yesterday, but I had to tell you about it. Check out this proposed resolution:

     Shall the amendment of Art. II Section I paragraph 6 of the Constitution, agreed to by the Legislature, revising the constitutional language concerning denial of the right to vote by deleting the phrase idiot or insane person and providing instead that a "person who has adjudicated by a court of competent jurisdiction to lack the capacity to understand the act of voting shall not enjoy the right to vote."

      I love it. I absolutely love it. Gd bless New Jersey lawyers, who even with their best intentions muck things up worse than that green crap that you see in the swamplands of the Meadowlands. I understand the purpose here. Idiot is not a nice name to call someone with a mental handicap. Ok, that's fine, but lets break this into its parts.

      I believe that idiots should not vote, but they do every day. Just ask the Red States. I believe that more people than not who vote don't understand the act of voting, and are just there for the free stickers. More importantly, leaving the decision of whether a person can or can not vote in the hands of a Court of competent jurisdiction – well, where the heck are we going to find that?

      In fact, if you really think about it, the only way that this is going to be enforceable is if someone brings an application to a Judge to try to take away someone's voting rights. In a State that has enough problems, do we really think that a Judge is going to spend their morning on a plenary hearing to determine whether someone is an idiot or not? Jeez, I've had enough Judges call me an idiot and I have heard the stories from other lawyers over the years that there have been Judges who were one loud gavel bang away from going from the black robe to the white coat, if you know what I mean.

      Indeed, idiots vote all the time, and here is a quick test for you tell whether or not you too should call up your local prosecutor and say, hey, I'm an idiot – so take me in front of the Judge.

1. If you clean your gun facing you, loaded, you may be an idiot. (I actually have a client that enjoyed this).
2. If you smoke cigarettes while carrying bags of asbestos, you may be an idiot (I actually had a client that did this).
3. If you are sleeping with, and selling drugs to, your ex-best friend's girlfriend while in a school zone, you may indeed be an idiot. (Uhm, I actually have that client too.)
4. If you are chased by a cop in a car after being stopped by the local police, and ram your car into a military police station, and drive through the fence of a military instillation after September 11, you may indeed be an idiot. (yeah, I had one too).
5. Finally, if you think lists like Jeff Foxworthy's "You may be a Redneck" is funny, well, then you may indeed be an idiot.

        The fact of the matter is that we are all idiots sometime, and spreading whiteout all over our State Constitution in the name of political correctness is a mind-numbing thing to do, when we all know where you are going with this. Frankly, I think that my elected officials can do better, and I am sick and tired of everyone getting so upset about simple words, when actions not words really matter.

      So let Senator JT take a rewording this, and I think we can apply this to race, religion, sexual preference. 

     "Be it resolved, that its not nice to call someone with special challenges an idiot or an insane person, unless they, of partial mind and body, call themselves an idiot or an insane person for the purpose of making a joke of it. However, you hereby prohibited from calling a person with a challenge an idiot or an insane person solely on the basis of that they themselves called themselves or a peer an idiot or an insane person, in the same way certain homosexual or African American groups greet themselves, as you are not part of that group, and thus, do not get the privilege of sharing in that nomenclature.

      In terms of the right to vote. Everyone gets to vote if they are over the age of 18 and a naturalized American citizen or have at least three social security numbers and are not currently working as a day laborer somewhere where their services are more needed than waiting to vote. However, voting shall be prohibited by anyone who holds the line up for more than five minutes, and insists on showing pictures of their grandchildren.

      Finally, if during the course of human events, you arrive at the polling place with a plaid shirt and green pants, if you spout off on the benefits of garlique, or are still thinking that any kind of mission has been accomplished, then you are hereby forbidden to vote – because you indeed are an idiot."

      Hey. This politics thing ain't so hard. Where's my intern?