As of today, I have 1628-close personal friends on Myspace. I have 622-devoted followers watching my every move on twitter. I have 79-business associates on linked in, who are devoted to my career growth. I have 279-collegues on Facebook, and 575 uh fans on Mevio's social network.  I say all this not to brag, well not too much, but I say this because if you are one of my apostles, I thank you.
 
            A recent article on Law.com called "Is the Party Over for Social Networking” really bemoaned the state of affairs regarding social networking among lawyers. It mentioned that at the American Bar Association"s Techshow in March, social networking was only discussed on one out of sixty programs. It mentioned that an ABA survey of Young Lawyers, which means that they are still in their “catch and release stage”, that only 8% felt that it was very important to network with legal colleagues via online social networking. Indeed, it started with the Great Expectation’s-esque tag line of, “What if you gave a party, hundreds of people showed up, but almost nobody talked to each other? That describes the state of social networking for lawyers. The masses get the idea, but only the evangelists are using it.”
 
            To answer the primary question, I’ve been to hundreds of lawyer parties where hundreds of lawyers show up and nobody talks to each other. Jeez, and these are the good parties where there’s like an open bar and stuff.  Jeez, I’m pretty shocked that I ended up reading a stuffy website like law.com to begin with.
 
            But let me pause the whole essay for a second - there is a ABA Techshow? Wow, why didn’t I get the memo on that one? What kind of Star Trek meets Matlock convention must that humdinger of a party be? What kind of talk must there be at the bar that night, “Wanna come up to my room tonight or do I have to have to have some fun pro se?” or “Hey baby, what’s your thoughts about former New York Judge Learned Hand?”
 
            Any time I can sneak Billings Learned Hand into an essay, it’s a good week.
 
            I honestly believe that for all of the gnashing of their terrible teeth, and gnashing of their terrible claws, this law.com article was just another piece of fluff, just another wasted bandwidth. As much as I enjoy meeting you all on some of these social networking sites, that’s all they are is social. Maybe it works for some fields, but for the most part, most lawyers are going to get the ol’ breeze by on a social network from potential clients. I mean come on, does law.com really think that any lawyer is going to successfully market themselves to new clients on Myspace or Facebook? Please, I’ll represent you in your car accident claim and beat your ass in Scrabalicious? Now frankly that may sound like a conflict of interest, but the New Jersey Ethics folks are not going to hold me back from playing a seven-letter scoring word like “Aqueous” if them tiles come out of my virtual tile bag.
 
            These social networking sites – as much as they are mildly entertaining, they’re not much better than the old thumb-tack bulletin board at your local Winn Dixie. Of course, the dude that you sat behind in English class in 8-th grade isn’t going to ping you to challenge you to a game of Texas Hold 'Em. Point. Winn Dixie Bullien Board 1, Facebook 0. Some people are not in your life for a reason, right…
 
            Hold on to your seats kids, this going to be a rough right turn.
 
            I’ve been thinking a lot this week about social networking and social media and it hit me. You know who are the mack daddies of social networking, the Gran Poobahs of communal effort – the Amish. I mean these people have existed for like millions of years working together for a common good.
 
            I had the opportunity to see them in action this past week. In our new town, we have an Amish market within tobaccky spittn’ distance from our house. Those wacky Amish took over an old food store, and subdivided it into different stands – one for meat, one for cheese, one for vegetables, one for pirated Japanese porn – no wait, that was the flea market.
           
            Let me say this about the Amish, they’re a funny bunch. First, as far as religious fundamentalists go, and maybe this is a personal preference, but the Amish make the Hassidics look down right hot. Look, look, look, maybe if I were a guy with a Beatle haircut and a beard with no ‘stache, some of these Holly Hobby honeys might look downright doable. But, right now, it would take a whole lot of that lemonade for me to have a barn raising in that situation, if you catch my drift.
 
            Second, this whole “no-technology” thing has some pretty darn loose rules. These good folk keep this store open Saturday and Sunday every week, and my lord, they take plastic! Now, there are no Amish flophouses that I know of in our neighborhood, so it begs the question of how do they staff this place. I’ve never seen a 12-seater Econoline horse and buggy travelling on the highway. Even if they have the capability of moving the troops from the farms, its got to be at least an hour by car to Amish land, so what I think must happen is that every Monday, they must send out a squad of Amish out from the farm, and on the way to the store, they must pass last week’s squad coming back from the real world, and they just kind of throw them the cash box on the highway. Looking Good Billy Ray! Feeling Good Louis! Ah yes, the Amish version of Trading Places. I like it.
 
            Look, I kid the Amish. I love the Amish. If I want to party like its 1899, who better than the Amish to cater it? The place was packed. Look its not like there are any Amish listening to this podcast, and if they do and get pissed off, I’ll just confuse them with a flashlight.
 
            My point is that the Amish don’t social network. They don’t need to. This may sound hypocritical for someone sitting in front of computer 10-hours a day, but if you’re an attorney and you really want to generate some business you’re going to have be like the Amish. You got to get right into those heavy flannel pants and suspenders and work with real people in real situations. Occasionally, you may actually have to deal with like other attorneys for a common effort to get some business together, you’re going to get out there and plow the fields, and milk some cows, and occasionally shovel some fertilizer.
 
            Jeez, if there’s anyone as capable of moving manure around….its certainly lawyers.