1. Blood Red Sun
2. Suns of March
3. Jamesking
4. Elisa Peimer
5. LoFi Pioneer
6. Colie Brice

Featuring DJ Suicide

Checkout Transistor Rodeo

Listen to the show here.

        When Pope John Paul II died a few years back, I like you, was more than happy to enter into the speculation of who would become the new Pope. It was like Survivor-meets-the Biggest Loser meets that wacky religious channel that comes on when I'm clicking my remote somewhere between TNT and Comedy Central. I mean, as a Jewish guy, my knowledge of the international clergy is as in depth as the next Olympic Speed Skating Team, but for that brief time I was an expert in the pros and cons of the new Pope like we were discussing the style and grace of Anton Ono, because you know when the Olympics come around I am an absolute knock 'em dead expert in these kind of things. What the Olympics are what, every three years, who knows? Trust me, daddy loves the luge.

    But in regard to the Papal Erection, I mean Election - sure, sure, I had my favorites. There was the wacky Chinese cardinal, the boring looking hispanic Cardnial that looked like he should have been serving paella in Newark, the fat jolly Italian one that kind of looked like my butcher. The one with the haircut that looked like Moe from the Three Stooges. Oh wait, they all kind of had that haircut. But, the web did a great job putting up these guys bio information, and these guys were impressive - one cardinal saved a leper colony, one cardinal bathed the poor, one cardinal was Lindsey Lohan's drug and alcohol counselor. I mean these are some people with some gravitas.

     I was surprised, and shocked and also out ten dollars, when Cardinal Ratzinberger was named to be the next Pope. I had him picked as a 20-1 shot - he was my Gonzaga of the Papal Four, but hey sometimes someone gets lucky in these kind of things. My wife generally chooses her Final Four by the colors of the team uniforms, but that didn't work in this situation as all the Cardinals wore red.     But I have always been a bit skeptical of this particular Pope. I mean there's something shady about him. I mean sure, having a Pope from Germany makes the little hairs on my tallis stand at attention, and at the end of the day, this guy seemed to have as compassion of Woodsy the Owl.
     
      But look, back at the end of 2006, I made some promises. I made some resolutions if you will, and one of those resolutions is not to offend anyone on this show based on their religious beliefs, and if this particular Pope floats your boat, then who am I to criticize?

     So, that being said, I had to talk to you about the latest out of Pope Benny to the X-to-the-V-izzy-to-the-Izzy. Thats XVI to you folk or as they say in Latin - XVI. Nonetheless, Big B is coming out with a big speech on World Peace Day which is on January 1. Frankly, I don't know why we're holding a Peace day on the day that all of the good college bowl games are on, because frankly, I think that's a pretty peaceful day. No if I were to choose World Peace Day, I'd have to say it'd have to be the day when they say that Britney Spears is doing the 2-shift at the local Walmart, because on that particular day the universe will be back in realignment and that no talent trailer trash will be back doing what she was supposed to be doing but for her deal with the Devil that she signed as a Mousketress. I'm sorry, where was I, Britney Spears vacant figure head that is still somehow followed by millions of non-critical sycophants to what - oh right, the Pope. Yeah, I don't see a connection either - I don't want to offend anyone.

    Nonetheless, on this Peace day is going to urge more than a billion Catholics to ease up on the environmentalists. Let me be clear, the Pope is planning on suggesting that fears over man made emissions and all of the unprecident disasters were nothing more than scare mongering, and that even though some concerns may be valid it was absolutely, jesus christo, necessary that the international community base its policies on good hard science. Check out this quote, "Humanity today is rightly concerned about the ecological balance of tomorrow," he said in the message entitled "The Human Family, A Community of Peace". "It is important for assessments in this regard to be carried out prudently, in dialogue with experts and people of wisdom, uninhibited by ideological pressure to draw hasty conclusions, and above all with the aim of reaching agreement on a model of sustainable development capable of ensuring the well-being of all while respecting environmental balances."

     You got that right, the Prince of the Church, the man with the pointy hat, wants you and I to rely more on science more than, than, wait -what's that called - faith? You see, when its 60-degrees on Christmas day, when it feels like downtown Fiji in December in New Jersey, I don't need a MIT Professor to tell me that something is wrong with the environment. When I'm coughing out a lung in the middle of Summer, I don't need an environmentalist to tell me that, uhm, hey, maybe we shouldn't have cut down all of the trees. I mean come on, the environment is as screwy as Seth Green's career.

    What in the name of all things good, and Nemcoff, is going on here. Look, I'm not saying that I am 100% an environmentalist here. Of course not, I'm from Jersey. I drive on the Turnpike with the windows down and just suck them fumes in. Oh baby - its good stuff. But like I've told you before, I think the environmentalist movement needs to be market driven, and perhaps if you want to save the environment, the decision to save the environment is going to come from your own personal choices of what to purchase - i.e. don't be driving that SUV to Earth Day. The market is going to make the choices, and unfortunately, Mom and Pop in the middle of South Dakota are so into living with the super-sized convenience of now, that they aren't making purchases with their head, and are only thinking about the prize in their happy meal to give a crap about their kids. Its sad, but that's the market we're in.
     No, my problem here is not so much with Mom and Pop Fuddrucker, because they're going to reap what they sow - garbage in and garbage out, right. Unless your Coldplay, which is just garbage in and out. No my problem is with Pope Benny. Uhm...excuse me. Isn't your whole job based on, uhm, faith. If I needed scientists for everything, then what does that say about...uhm....bbrrrr.....religion? Dude, not to get all pedantic here, but come on.

     And when did the Pope start speaking out for big business. I mean shouldn't he be all "Save the Lord's creatures" ? But noooo, this guy is in the mode of "Don't worry about it...lets just keep researching things until we're 100% sure things are messed up. Hey, look, you're a good person - you'll go to Heaven, so what are you worrying about with this environmental nonsense" Please, don't make me sic those guys from Mythbusters on the Bible. They've been very nice up to now messing with shooting potatoes and blowing up toilets, but you know if they started getting involved with burning bushes and walking on water, there'd be some serious splainin to do.

    That being said Popey, ease off. Faith isn't something that religion has a monopoly on. I can see in the happiness and the laughter of my children, the beauty of nature, and in that the Knicks someday will be better in the future, that there is something out there greater than myself, hey that's just my belief, my faith if you will, and when its 40 degrees in Florida and 60 degrees in New Jersey in December, and my kids are wearing shorts on Winter Break, I have faith that something is just wrong with the environment.

    Because Pope, if we don't start relying upon faith a little bit and just stop taking the environment for granted there's going to come a point when you go to the woods to take a deuce, and there's not going to be any woods left for you - then what are you going to do.

    Did I just end this rant with a "does the Pope crap in the woods" reference?

    Its going to be a long year 2008 folks.

Wired on too little sleep, and too much rock n' roll - this is the JTS for December 2007. Featuring:

1. The Beautiful Girls
2. The Maine
3. Alice Smith
4. Joe Purdy
5. Tommy Strazza and the Model Citizens
6. Jim Testa
7. Aloud

Featuring Marimbas from Mother Africa

Download the show here

         I am not one to talk about my celebrity encounters. In fact, other than Adam Curry, I can't say that I've had that many. Of course, with Adam, it generally involves him making me shine his Headbangers Ball bedazzler jacket, and he promises me that if I get it right, he'll let me have his gold album that Saxon gave him in 1982, so I'm really working hard on it. Hey, its not like Kevin Seal ever offered me anything.

       I did have one celebrity encounter about two or three years ago that I've never shared with you. I was in the bathroom of New York City's Ruth's Chris Steakhouse during a a bachelor party. I was happily doing my thing at the urinal, and in walks in, none other than future first ballot Hall-of-Famer, Cy Young Winner, Roger Clemens, oh wait I wrote that last week - let me fix that one sec - and in walks in steroid abuser and cheater, Roger Clemens -  and he starts doing his business at the urinal next to me. Now, I clearly know who he is, and well, this was before the podcast, so he hadn't yet heard of me, and bbwe're just there both staring at the wall, trying not really acknowledge each other or have a Larry Craig moment. What do I care? I'm a Met fan, and lets face it, if I were to insert a joke at this point about pitchers and catchers, at this point, I believe you would think less of me as a human being, and it would cheapen the very soul of the podcast that you have come to love and respect. Uh huh huh - pitchers and catchers. 

    I'm sure it was only the matter of a minute, but when we finished it begged the question. I certainly didn't want to shake his hand. I'm not exactly going to have him autograph one of those brown paper towels that smell like my first-grade teacher, and on a guy-guy level, I've never been that big a fan of really going oh-my-gd crazy when I meet a male athlete, actor, or musician. Its just not cool. You know, fuggetabout, we're both guys, you just happen to make millions of dollars playing a child's game and I, well, help injured people recover their life, and compel major corporations to comply with the law. Did I mention that you get millions of dollars for playing a child's game. Not like I'm bitter or anything, and frankly the highlight of my atheletic career was when I was on the wrestling team and was part of one of the fastest matches in the history of the State of New Jersey. Unfortunately, I was on the receiving end. That was pretty much my wrestling career in a nutshell, but more about that some other time. Sending a celebrity a drink. Classy. Picking up your favorite athlete's check for dinner. Classy. Slobbering all over them like you were an 8th-grade girl and they were Justin Timberlake is just embarrassing.

     So, Roger and I kind of did that, "yo what's up" head nod to each other, and moved on with our lives. Of course, when I got back to the table I played it off with a very cool, "yeah, I just ran into Roger Clemens, and asked him if he wanted to join us for a drink. He said that he'd be over if Andy Petite didn't want to go get a double-machiato at the Starbucks. Oh you know that Andy and Roger, what maroons."

     That brings me to my subject of this weeks expose. The guy-guy code. As a New Jerseyian, I am a strong believer in it. There is just an unwritten law, a law, that is in fact greater than the actual statutory law, but a law written by men for men. Ladies, I'd love to say this isn't a sexist rant, but it is. There are just certain things, that I am never going to understand: the difference between Manolo's and jimmy chus; why women are voting for Hillary; why pregnancy monthly magazine comes in a 12-month subscription, and there are certain things that you simply are not going to understand about men. Tim Allen made a career about it. No, I'm not doing the monkey voice - do it yourself - I'll leave a little space for you.......man that just sounds silly.

     More importantly, the guy-guy code was never something taught to me, per Se, and maybe is just an expansion of the golden rule - the do on to others, or expect to get a whack on the back of the head, and everyone laughing.

      Just look at the news, the news is knee-deep in violations of the guy-guy code. I love this story: the great Evil Knievel recently passed away. In 1977, Evil was represented by Shelly Saltman. Saltman had helped him with the promotion for jumping Snake Canyon. Well, Saltman went on to write a tell-all book, which according to Evil, characterized him as an alcoholic and an anti-Semite. Evil Knievel, did what he thought was right, and went after Saltman with a baseball bat. A little fronteir justice. But, dude, seriously - do you really think that someone who would launch himself over twelve buses with nothing more than a helmet had a real good grasp on reality to begin with. I mean I loved Evil Knieval. I have a little scar on my hand from where one of the sparks from one of his toys burned me, but at a certain point, did he really need the helmet? I mean by the end of his career the guy had the physique of a boneless chicken.

     Please, I can honestly say that in the same position, that wouldn't have been my first impression of what to do, but to quote Chris Rock, I understand, and from Evil Knieval, I wouldn't have expected anything less.

     That being said, Saltman ended up with a badly broken arm and a judgment against Evil for 12.5 million dollars, which I must be honest about seems massively excessive in proportion to the injury. I mean think about it the "victim" in the Isaiah Thomas and the Knicks lawsuit only got $11 million, and I know you may be saying, "Hey, JT, what's a million dollars between us swinging guys." And to you, I think that the woman in the Isiah Thomas situation suffered far more than this Mr. Saltman, and while I think both of them deserved a gift-card to Best Buy and a ride on the "I contributed to my own injury" school bus, the fact of the matter is that while both Saltman and Isiah will never have the same of motion with their wrist (eh, you get where I'm going with that), Saltman's judgement in 1977 is so grossly out-of-proportion in 2007 dollars, that its just laughable. 

     Evil Knieval somehow was able to avoid paying on the judgement for over 30-years. Now Saltman is trying to get the money out of the estate, and frankly, in my opinion he should go fish. I mean on a guy-guy level, you just simply do not sell your friends out like that, and while Saltman continues to tell people that he was just trying to paint an accurate picture it remains, almost thirty-years later blatantly obvious that he sold Knievel out, and in the warped mind of a man that paid for the college funds of half of southern California's orthopedist's kids a broken arm, to him, is like a little smack on the butt....get out of here with that book you crazy kid. Of course, while the law entitles this Saltman guy to get paid - but how much is permanently damaged arm when this guy has so much disability already for having his head planted firmly up his butt. Boy, I would have hated to have been the Judge on that one.

    So, to Shelly Saltman. Let sleeping dogs lie. I'm not saying that you didn't have a case, and certainly what Evil Knievel did was criminally prosecutable and civilly compensable, but in the end, I think that the jury reached the wrong result. The purpose of the civil court is to make you whole, to compensate you for what you have lost and punish you from ever hurting anyone again. I don't think that any amount of money could get Mr. Saltman's Mr. Roboto arm back in slot-machine pulling shape. Money is never the answer. No, the answer would have been for Saltman to get a free shot at Evil Knievel - eh to a guy who's broken 40-bones, what's one more.  

     At the end of the day, Mr. Saltman didn't just have a brush with a celebrity, he developed a business relationship with someone in the public eye. He gained that individual's trust, and then spun it back for his own personal profit, and that's just not right on a guy-guy level or on any level, and anyone who uses their encounters with celebrities for their own gain deserves what they get.

      So, going back to Roger Clemens. He and I did share that guy-guy moment. We bonded in that short time together. All I can report to you is that, well, he certainly does pitch righty, and as far as a "Rocket"  - not so-much - more like one of those little nano-tech missle thingies.

     Crap. Roger Clemens is going to break my arm.

If you aren't playing around with it, I highly recommend that you check out Netvibes. I like to call it "One Web Page to Rule Them All" but then again, I'm a geek who has seen the Hobbit one too many times.

You can even get your own Jersey Toddshow widget there, which I thought was pretty darn cool.

I can't believe that I missed the obvious joke:

From KChrisH on Twitter:

"@jerseytodd: every time an RIAA exec gets beheaded, an angel gets its wings :P (ref: show 103)"

This one's gonna get me in some trouble. But if we're gonna go, I've got some great music.

1. Brother Love
2. Stratospheerius
3. Q-Ball
4. DJ Dax v. Born 2 B
5. Brett Dennen

Featuring Teddy Presberg

Listen to the show by clicking here

Oh those wacky Middle Easteners, they’re at it again. Apparently, they are going all camel crazy. In Khartoum this week, thousands of protestors, armed with clubs and knives were calling for the head of a British teacher who allowed her classroom of students to vote for a class mascot named “Muhammed�.

The teacher, named Gillian Gibbons, worked at an extremely affluent school in Sudan, and had one of the kids bring in a teddy bear; the class voted to name it Mohammed, and the kids were assigned the task of writing a diary entry about  “my bear mohammedâ€? which she compiled into a book for all of them.

There hasn’t been a worse idea for the continuance of a kid’s project since Bush decided to keep reading “My Pet Goat�.

Here's where the story gets really wacky. Somehow, an office assistant for the school found out about this project and complained to the Ministry of Education, which frankly sounds like something straight out of the Wall. Imans leave them kids alone. But, this teacher got busted by the Muslim cops for dissing Allah, and she was originally going to sentenced for 40 lashes. The sentence is now being reduced to 15 days in a Sudanese jail, which I'm sure is a ton of fun.

I have so many questions regarding this situation. First, off who knew that Khartoum isn't just the name of the horse in the Godfather. Jeez, and if you got that reference, you’re certainly a-head of the game. Oh man, I’m horrible. That joke fell as flat as Moe Green’s eyesight.

That being said, and to paraphrase Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, what’s the deal with this Muslim Police? I’ve got to find out more information about these folks. I just have this vision of guys sitting around a dirty office building drinking coffee and eating donuts until a call comes in – “There’s a woman naming a teddy bear Mohammed at a school� and they jump into some ratty old Russian police car from the 1960’s but instead of a siren, they’ve got some kid on the roof yelling AyAyAya!!!

I mean do these people use guns? Or are they like the British and just kind of yell at you. “By the Power of Mohammed, I instruct you to stop.� Do they all like carry staves that can turn into a snake? I mean is there rankings in the Muslim Religious Police. Get the folks in here from Podshow Press – I’ve got a book idea – Sheik Doo-Ron-Ron, Detective.

Then this lady had a trial. Oh man. Now I’ll be the first to tell you that I have no clue about the Sudanese system of jurisprudence, but lets talk about 12-Angry Men. I mean these are 12-Really Angry Men. I can only imagine the voir dire:
“Are you to judge this case completely partially ….�

“Guilty�

“Wait let me finish the question – are you able to judge this case partially, and without regard for the evidence.�

“So help me Allah.�

“Good, you’re on�

I haven’t appeared before a more hostile jury than the time that I appeared in a Court in the Summer when it was 100 degrees in the Courtroom, and the air conditioner had broken, and it was chili day in the cafeteria.

But once again, I try to distract you from the real issue here, because this story is not about me, this story is about a teacher with less sensitivity training than Don Imus

But the real problem here are all of these Sudanese guys. I mean come on. Can’t we all get along. I know you want to party like its 1699, but we’re past it, and you folks should be holding bake sales rather than axes. You should be having PTA Meetings instead of firing your guns in the air asking for teachers to be killed. Boy, in a Muslim school if someone tells you that they want you to go to the head of the class…(pause)….you’d better be nervous.

Now, I hope you don’t think that I am beating up on the whole Muslim religion, because that’s just dumb, and uhm, dangerous. Because, at its core, there are some beautiful and righteous people and beliefs here, but when we start talking about teachers being lashed in this circumstance, its just silly and completely off the point of what the religion would want. Mass hysteria over a bear? I haven’t seen hysterics since Christmas 86 and the Cabbage Patch Dolls.

I mean come on you guys these are your kids who voted for the teddy bear being named Mohammed. All the kids in the class, you know them: Al-Mohmmed, Mohammed Al JiBooty, Moe; the other boy Hammed, the boy into rap Mizzytothehizzy, uhm who else, oh Mohammed, and that other kid, the shy one M. And all the girls voted for the bear to be named Mohammed, Mona, Mo, the girl that's into field hockey, what's her name - oh yeah Mohammed.

My point is, that these kids are on a 24-hour diet of Mohammed. You've got them on so much Mohammed that they're already looking for uhm Mo Better Mo, and its no wonder at all that they named their favorite thing in the class room after Mohammed and maybe just maybe you should be celebrating the fact that these kids chose to vote for their favorite thing after a religious superstar.

This was never about triviliazing Mohammed, and it shouldn't be. Maybe you'd disagree, but you know what as a Northeast Jewish lawyer, I don't know if I'd be invited over to anyone's house for tea and goat brains anytime soon in Sudan.

That being said, I think we can all agree on one thing, my Muslim brothers, and I’m going to switch gears quicker than Lance Armstrong in the hills of France. But, my Eastern friends are upset about the Americanization of their culture. They are upset about the watering down of their moral base, and brash commercialization that the West has thrust upon them.

Let me take this space to say. I agree with you 100%. We are on the same page. We should be working together. You kids have spunk. You have organization. You have machetes. I think all you need is the right target, and we’d get it all together.

Who is responsible for Britney Spears? Who is responsible for letting women like Celine Dion out in public without their head covered? And really, she does need here head covered, right? Who is responsible for such morally degrading songs as Axel F by Crazy Frog – De De De …. Oh man, I don’t care if you’re a Hindu, a Christian, Muslim, or Member of the Tribe like myself, that puppy still sticks in your head., and I’ll tell you what, how many Christians, Muslims and Jews are annoying the crap out of every person with a cellphone. This is an international conspiracy to distract people from the study of religion!  

Who is responsible for all of this madness, the Recording Industry Association of America. The RIAA. In fact, I think in their secret headquarters in the basement of the Octogon, the RIAA may stand for Rejecting Islam and Allah.     

Think about it – Islam is for families. The RIAA sues grandmothers.Think about it – Islam is for respecting our ancestors. The RIAA sues dead people. Think about it – Islam is for keeping women safe. The RIAA sues single mothers.

          Islam is a beautiful religion that supports sharing and friendship and the bonds of men. The RIAA wants men not to share.

So, come on all my axe welding, torch bearing, Koran thumping brothers and sisters, join us. Lets get some hustle behind all of that muscle. I’m not talking about beheading anyone, although, I gotta think that beheading a RIAA executive would be pretty easy considering all of the air in between the ears, because the whole beheading thing is so dated. No, you’re strength is your wack-a-doo chanting and rioting. Its really good stuff. Scarry.

I think once you guys are going to feel a lot better about yourselves, you’re gonna feel like your accomplishing something, and I think that you’ll be moving the social dialogue further when you’re protesting a real evil and not beating up on some fat British teacher and a dumb teddy bear.